What does 2WW mean

Any women who is actively TCC, knows what 2WW means.  For those who don’t, it is our 2 week wait.  The 2 weeks after ovulation where we must wait to test to see if our work paid off that month.  Don’t we all wish it was that simple.  Just waiting doesn’t seem bad.  People might even tell you to just not think about it (I’d like to kick those people in the shins).

Truth is, 2WW is a form of torture.  It’s a way for us to start acting like we have lost our minds.  It’s 2 weeks of symptom spotting.  Whats that pain, maybe it implantation!  I feel nauseous, could it be morning sickness?!  My back is sore, maybe I am!  It’s a time when anything and everything can and will be counted as a symptom.  We even start taking pregnancy test way to early knowing it will show negative but it some how calms our anxiety for a brief moment because just maybe it will finally show those 2 pretty little lines.

I am currently in my 2WW after my first monitored cycle.  I feel more hopeful towards this month than I have in the 2 yrs I’ve been TTCing.  I am so excited to be in the 2WW and I have not yet started symptom spotting but I’m sure it will come like it has every other month.

I want so badly to be that PCOS success story.  I want to share my story to women who are just starting this journey and be able to tell them It’s possible.  It may not be an easy road but it is a road worth taking.

 

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How I became a SoulCyster

What makes me a SoulCyster?  Simple…..I have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrom (PCOS).  PCOS…I never thought 4 tiny little letters could cause so much pain and heartache.  Yet, here we are.  PCOS can be a simple disease controlled by birth control, but when you are trying to conceive, it makes your life hell.  So, how did I come to be where I’m at?

I met my husband in 2005.  He was dating a friend of mine.  I barely knew him through most of there 2 yr relationship.  When she cheated on him, I offered him someone to talk to.  We quickly became best friends.  He was there when my Mom was diagnosed with cancer, and was my rock through her fight.  Even held my had at her funeral.  May 2008 we began dating and said “I do” April 2011.  He’s still my best friend to this day.  We’ve both always wanted a family so why wait?  We began “Trying” on our honeymoon.  Sadly, it wasn’t in the cards for us.

For 1 1/2 yrs, it wasn’t in the cards.  My doctor just wanted to tell me to lose weight, nothing was wrong with me.  I’m 29 yrs old and not able to get pregnant….Somethings wrong with that!!  The fear and frustration of not knowing what was wrong was to much.  I finally changed doctors in September 2012.  Only took 1 round of blood work to confirm what I already knew by this point.  I have PCOS.  By December 2012 I had all the answers.  PCOS with insulin resistance.  I wanted so badly to go back and slap the doctor who wasted almost 2 yrs of my life with her ignorance.  If she just would have done the tests, I wouldn’t be writing this now.  Maybe I’d have a child in my arms already.  But, here I am, I can’t change it so I must move on.

So I began treatment on New Years Eve 2012 (way to start a year!).  The meds have successfully allowed me to drop some of the weight I’ve had such a hard time getting rid of.  In April 2013, I attempted my first round of clomid.  I got my very first Positive OPK.  Man did that look so pretty.  LOL!!  I got so excited, I took a picture and sent it to friends.  Of course no baby yet.  As of Monday, June 3, I will begin this journey with the help of a fertility specialist.  Time to make sure everything else it working properly.

So how does being a SoulCyster affect my life?  When a women’s motherly instinct kicks in and the desire to have a child becomes your daily thought, that’s when the emotions can get the best of you.  Every time my Cycle starts over, its a reminder that having children just might not be in the cards for me.  Every negative OPK, and every time the Basal Body temp refuses to spike is enough to kill you.  Wanting to give up trying every month because the pain is just to much to bear, but know you will never give up.  How can you give up when everything you ever wanted could be 1 cycle away.  Never did I think I would have to seek fertility treatment to have children but here I am.  So, here I sit, childless, another month with no ovulation and likely no ovulation in the current cycle.  Most day’s I feel my hope fading, but I somehow I keep pushing forward.

This is the life of a SoulCyster.  That’s why I proudly carry that title.  Because the life of a SoulCyster can be hell!

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